Michael Myers never says a word for the entire movie of “Halloween.” In fact, according to his doctor, he never said a word for the 15 years leading up to the events that take place during “Halloween.” So, like we did for Daniel LaRusso before, we decided to take a crack at figuring out what Michael Myers would’ve Tweeted throughout the course of the movie. We’re thinking it would’ve gone down something like this…
From the Twitter account of EvilMichaelMyers
OMG, my sister’s making out with some guy. I’m watching from outside the window. I’m totally gonna spy on her.
9:32 PM Oct 31, 1963 from Tweetie
Nope, changed my mind, I’m gonna kill her instead.
9:33 PM Oct 31, 1963 from Tweetie
Oh sh*t, my parents just caught me in my clown costume with the bloody knife, I am totally effing grounded.
9:36 PM Oct 31, 1963 from Tweetie
Whoa! What up, Tweeps! Sorry I’ve been off Twitter for 14 years, 364 days. They didn’t have WiFi at the mental institution.
10:02 PM Oct 30, 1978 from TwitterBerry
I can’t believe I know how to drive so well, being that I’ve been locked up since I was 6. Weird. #hiddentalents
10:03 PM Oct 30, 1978 from TwitterBerry
Just killed a mechanic right quick to get his uniform. Man, Doc’s gonna flip his sh*t when he sees this tomorrow!
2:10 AM Oct 31, 1978 from TwitterBerry
I’m goin’, goin’, back to back to Haddonfield. #rejectedraptitles
3:17 AM Oct 31, 1978 from TwitterBerry
Some girl just put a key on our porch. She looks good. Hard to tell she was born with a penis.
8:13 AM Oct 31, 1978 from Tweet Deck
Ya know, come to think of it, I’m just going to arbitrarily choose her as the girl I’m gonna stalk for the rest of #Halloween.
2:15 PM Oct 31, 1978 from TwitterBerry
Ahh! Tons of errands. Gotta swipe my sister’s tombstone, rob the hardware store AND be no more than 40 feet from this girl.
3:10 PM Oct 31, 1978 from TwitterBerry
NGL, kinda feel like I look like Captain Kirk in this mask.
5:38 PM Oct 31, 1978 from TwitterBerry
Gonna stalk that girl’s friend first and– oh man, she just got naked! This is getting hot! (Oh, and I also just killed a dog.)
8:50 PM Oct 31, 1978 from TwitterBerry
Killed her in the car. She was about to drive to sex. No one has sex on my watch. I hope that’s not too cliche… :S
9:41 PM Oct 31, 1978 from TwitterBerry
#thingsthatpissmeoff When people come up to me and say “Groovy, baby!” or “Party time excellent!”
10:33 PM Oct 31, 1978 from TwitterBerry
These two teenagers just had sex. Well, based on the aforementioned policy, I guess it’s time to kill ‘em!
10:33 PM Oct 31, 1978 from TwitterBerry
Oh, and if anyone’s reading this, please do me a favor and don’t call the police or anything — it would really mess up my plans. Kthxbye!
10:34 PM Oct 31, 1978 from TwitterBerry
Finally the main girl is coming over. It’s taken me like forever to arrange all the corpses in such a way that they’ll be revealed 1-by-1.
11:03 PM Oct 31, 1978 from TwitterBerry
Note to self: I’d be so much more efficient if I would run and not walk.
12:14 AM Nov 1, 1978 from TwitterBerry
Ouch! She just stabbed me in the neck with a needle. It’s gonna take me at least 2 or 3 minutes to shake that off.
1:14 AM Nov 1, 1978 from TwitterBerry
Damn! She just stabbed me with a coat hanger. AND my own knife. It’s gonna take me at least 1 or 2 minutes to shake that off.
1:17 AM Nov 1, 1978 from TwitterBerry
WTF!? Doc just shot me in the chest six times and I fell off a two-story balcony. It’s gonna take me at least 20 or 30 seconds to shake that off.
1:19 AM Nov 1, 1978 from TwitterBerry
Well, that didn’t go quite so well. But I have a feeling I’ll be back. At least nine more times.
1:20 AM Nov 1, 1978 from TwitterBerry
Do you have your costume yet? Check out these 20 Knockoff Halloween Costumes and the 13 Funnest Halloween Videos On The Web.
This reimagining was done by Sam Greenspan, author of 11Points.com, who’s never watched any of the Rob Zombie versions of “Halloween” movies.
Comments