Old Japanese Godzilla movies were a blast. Godzilla seemed to tackle a new beast every year. Each was always more weird and more otherworldly than the last. Well, we here at Comedy.com unearthed some very rare gems, screencaps from the lost series of movies where Godzilla would battle the elderly. Long buried due to political incorrectness, fans of the genre will hopefully once again enjoy them as they were intended.
Japan was haunted by it’s own mortality after World War II, and so the only true escapism it could find involved having people closest to death be pummeled by a whale-gorilla. Don’t believe us? See for yourself!
10. “Godzilla Vs Ole Wispy” (1952)
Ole Wispy was not originally an antagonist or even a character, but an American investor who had come to the set. Upon seeing Godzilla he thought it was the angel of death. He ran into the pool the actor in the Godzillla suit was standing in and started beating him with a cane. Everyone except the actor thought it was brilliant, and so the trend began.
9. “Godzilla Vs The Tired Old Man” (1953)
Once the screenwriters found an excuse for an elderly person to grow into a gigantic old person to save Tokyo from the destructive powers of Godzilla, the most difficult part for the filmmakers was hiring an actor old enough and healthy enough to play the part. Originally entitled “Godzilla Vs The Spry Old Man,” the film had to be retitled after the star got winded and started crawling behind buildings to relax.
8. “Godzilla Vs The Jaunty Vaudevillian” (1955)
This film was a box office failure due to the decline of the popularity of Vaudeville, and the fact that it was never popular in Japan anyway. It was, however, useful in providing aging Vaudeville star Buckles the Prancer with booze money for the first time in 30 years.
7. “Godzilla Vs Irritable Intestine Man” (1956)
Before science knew the cause of Irritable Bowel Syndrome, the public was terrified that upset stomachs caused fire breathing and gigantism. This film capitalized on the fear with new special effects.
6. “Godzilla Vs Ichiro Takahashi” (1957)
Few people know this, but laser-eye special effects were actually inspired by and created to support the demented threats of elderly actor Ichiro Takahashi, who believed his eyes could destroy the giant iguana who stole his lunch. Later the director discovered the man in the Godzilla suit really had stolen the old man’s lunch. He was asked to do it every day to continue the dramatic tension.
5. “Godzilla Vs Bag Woman” (1960)
The first film to be banned, it went through several name changes before finally being removed from theaters. Audiences found it creepy for women to be set on fire for any reason, no matter how much of Godzilla’s money they were spending. From then on, only old men were cast.
4. “Godzilla Vs Wheelfoot-Ra” (1962)
Few people realize this, but rollerblades were actually invented on the set of this Godzilla film. They were not popularized until decades later due to the eerie gliding power they give the wearer. They were invented specifically because this actor, Ken Wilkinson, became too rickety to walk during shooting.
3. “Godzilla Vs The Pale Ghost Man” (1965)
Most of this film consists of Godzilla and the man staring at each other. The old man had lines but forgot them. It is also the longest Godzilla film at 3.5 hours.
2. “Godzilla Vs Mecha Osteoporosis Man” (1970)
Regarded by many to be the best of the banned films, it marked the beginning of Godzilla trying to help the confused elderly. It includes touching efforts by Godzilla to give the fire-breathing old man calcium supplements.
1. “Godzilla Vs The Filthy Old Hippie” (1971)
The last of the banned films, it was a clear indication that Western Civilization had imposed too much on the artistic vision of the movies. Its attempt to combine the time tested device of old people fighting Godzilla with American producers’ fear and hatred of hippies proved to be too heavy of a premise for the film to bare.
We love old people and movies at Comedy.com. Check out our lists of 10 Funniest Photos Of Old People Playing Nintendo Wii and the 9 Most Awkward Movies To Watch On A Date.
Posted by Raymond Fluery, who battled Godzilla back in the day.
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