Harry Potter’s magic ran out this weekend. Moviegoers finally had enough of this silly series about a bunch of douchebag wizards living in an unrealistic world. Instead they went to a see a dramatic film about a specially trained squad that is dispatched to stop a diabolical billionaire from taking over the world. Oh, and it stars guinea pigs. The summer of silliness and escapism continues at the box office.
1. G-Force $32.2 million
This film was in 3D and is a Mission: Impossible-style adventure except not as gay….as Bruno that is. We want to point out that this movie featured guinea pigs and not gerbils and no voice-over work from Richard Gere for that matter. Disney says G-Force triumphed in a crowded summer marketplace with its combination of 3-D effects and the Disney and Jerry Bruckheimer brands. You can smell the sequel. The next movie will have the guinea pigs transform into robots and will smash all box office records.
2. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince $30 million
It was last week’s number one movie, but Harry Potter got whipped with his own magic wand in his candy-ass. The movie dropped a whopping 61 percent from last week. We’re not sure what turned off moviergoers. Perhaps that abortion scene with Hermione should have been left on the cutting room floor.
3. The Ugly Truth $27 million
The best news from the weekend is that “Hollywood’s most difficult diva” did not end up in the number one spot. Katherine Heigl stars in The Ugly Truth, and this movie is as ugly as it gets. The producers brought in the world’s top scientists but they were unable to produce even a single spark of chemistry between Heigl and her co-star Gerard Butler.
4. Orphan $12.8 million
This was a horror movie about adoption and it doesn’t involve Madonna or Angelina Jolie. The movie is about a couple who adopts a little girl who’s not nearly as sweet as she seems. What a nice message to send to parents who are having trouble getting pregnant and are thinking about adopting. Nice job. Good to way to scare loving potential parents from adopting children in need. This movie makes people think every kid you adopt will turn into Amy Winehouse.
5. Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs $8.2 million
We’ve had enough of Manny the neurotic woolly mammoth and his practical mate, Ellie, Sid the dimwitted sloth, and the rest of the crew. This was the third movie in the series and it was just as disappointing as The Godfather III. Basically, any movie with III in the title. Enough with these Roman numerals already. The movie has stale sitcom-style jokes. It’s like watching Two and a Half Men with the comedy.
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