Can anyone take down Harry Potter? He has worked his nerdy magic at the box office and cast a spell over virgins all over the world. J.K. Rowling, whose big secret was recently revealed, is planning a new book where Harry dies of the Swine Flu. Sad way to go, really. This weekend Harry takes on someone even more sinister than Voldemort. Yes, we’re talking about She Who Shall Not Be Named. Oh screw it, we’re talking about the evil diva Katherine Heigl.
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
This movie grossed $177 million dollars in just seven days of release. That’s like 50 times higher than Land of the Lost. The Potter Express is going to keep on chugging along and not derail like Bruno. The Gay Express was just too gay for many viewers and not as funny as Borat. This Potter movie could take in another $30 million or so. It could be even higher, but a big portion of the nerd base is at Comic-Con this weekend.
G-Force
Too bad this movie is about guinea pigs and not gerbils. Then we could have some fun with Richard Gere jokes, like the new car being manufactured in San Francisco called the “Gerbil.” The only problem is that it’s difficult to get it out of Gere. Ah, comedy gold. G-Force comes from Jerry Bruckheimer who won’t stop until he has all of the money in the world. The movie is about guinea pigs and it’s in 3D and goes after the kid crowd. We’re thinking a second place finish. There’s also a cross-promotion with McDonalds. A free live guinea pig inside each Happy Meal!
The Ugly Truth
We know a lot of people dig Katherine Heigl or Sandra Bullock-lite as we like to call her. She was America’s sweetheart, but reports say she appears to have turned into Hollywood’s most difficult diva. She stars in The Ugly Truth which is Rated R. The R is Repulsive. The reviews are bad. And it’s not in 3D. This movie does not have a lot going for it. Plus, there’s a scene in the film that is a blatant rip-off from When Harry Met Sally. It involves an orgasm at dinner. Sound familiar? Predictions call for a third place finish. By the way, she was in The Bride of Chucky (pictured above) and that was better this new movie.
Ice Age 3: Dawn of the Dinosaurs
These pre-historic creatures could finally meet their match in those creepy talking guinea pigs. This film has already taken in around $160 million. It’s also in 3D. But so is G-Force. How many 3D movies do we need in one weekend? When will our fascination end with dinosaurs? Shouldn’t have there been a moratorium on on-screen dinosaurs after the horrible sitcom Dinosaurs?
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