Grab a firm hold of your wand as it’s going to be a magical weekend for wizards all over the world with Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. We think it will be just a tad tamer than Bruno. You definitely won’t see this sex scene in the Potter movie. And what will happen to Bruno now that is film has been banned in the Ukraine and there’s bad word of mouth concerning the guest appearance of a talking penis? Here’s the lowdown on this weekend’s box office battle.
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
Harry is back, and this time he’s horny as hell. He has come up with a new spell, Erectus My Schlongus. This latest movie has Harry struggling to pry a critical memory loose from a new Hogwarts teacher. By the way, is Potter the only student not having sex with one of his teachers? Come on, where’s the “ripped from the headlines” angle? Potter Bangs Erasers With Teacher! This movie does prepare us for the coming showdown between the young hero (Daniel Radcliffe) and the evil Lord Voldemort (Spencer Pratt). Potter took in a whopping $58.2 million domestically in its first day, and this could be a $100 million weekend which will be just a little higher than the opening weekend for Speed 2: Cruise Control. Did we say Speed 2: Cruise Control? We meant a movie without the words “Speed,” “Cruise” and “Control.”
Ice Age 3: Dawn of the Dinosaurs
The original title for the film was Ice Age 3: Dawn of the Dinosaurs: The Bible Was Wrong. But that proved to be just a little bit controversial. This animated film had an incredible 34-percent hold its second weekend in theaters. It will take a big hit this weekend as family moviegoers will flock to Potter instead. One step into the wrong theater, and your kid could be watching a talking penis in the Bruno screening. And that’s just from the creepy guy sitting in the back of the theater.
Bruno
Bruno is by far the gayest movie on the big screen since Valkyrie. We have to hand it to Sacha Baron Cohen. He has the biggest balls we’ve seen. We don’t mean that literally. It takes a lot of guts to put himself in the situations we see in this movie. We think Bruno was not as funny as Borat and word of mouth led to a drop off over the past weekend. Expect this movie to go down faster than Bruno at a men’s swim meet.
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
The thing about a robot is that it doesn’t have any imagination, no originality, no ability to love. Wait, we meant Michael Bay. Still, this Transformers movie has already grossed $339 million, and it could take in another $12 million this weekend. This movie is still drawing big audiences, and the film is still playing on Imax screens. We’ve often wondered what a piece of crap looks like on a massive screen. Just you wait for 2 Girls 1 Cup: The Movie.
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