Will Smith: An American Hero

As our nation prepares to celebrate the big 233, I feel like we should take a moment to celebrate a true American Hero. Someone who has not only saved this country several times from every imaginable terror, but also shown how even a kid from West Philadelphia can go from the playground to Bel Air if you work hard at it.

So in preparation for America’s big birthday this Saturday, I’d like us all to take a look back at all the things Will Smith has fought to keep this country great.

The war on crime is a serious issue in America. Thank God we have someone like Will Smith to step up and bring it down. He single-handedly brought down their entire Miami operation to keep smack off the street and out of schools.

We all thought Will Smith was just a fast-talking hood rat living off Uncle Phil, but in reality he was just biding his time before joining the Air Force. And as a fighter pilot, Smith was responsible for bringing down an entire alien armada on the 4th of July. Now that’s American.

Even if he’s working for the government, Will still knows that corruption cannot go unnoticed. So when the top secret political machine starts to work against him – don’t think for a minute he isn’t going to start some shit. No one is safe from Smith justice, not even US Senators.

In case you didn’t know, Will Smith has the ability to travel through time. So when the President’s life was in jeopardy shortly after the Civil War, Smith strapped on the cowboy boots and ol’ six shooter to help stop the advances of a dangerous Confederate scientist hell bent on destroying democracy. Sorry chief, not on Captain James West’s watch. He even wrote a song about it. Wiki-wiki-wild wild.

After destroying the evil aliens along with President Pullman, it was time to keep the nice ones in check. So Smith donned a black suit, sunglasses, and sarcasm to deal with the extraterrestrials still living on Earth. Oh yeah, he wrote a song about that one too. Might as well call him Beethoven.

It isn’t just enemies that Smith has helped defeat, but also social prejudice. That’s when he started hanging out with Matt Damon, helped show him how to golf (because he’s the original Tiger Woods) and proved that racism was stupid. Will Smith is responsible for the Civil Rights Movement. That’s just a fact, Wikipedia it.

If movies have taught us anything, it’s that Robotics are a terrible idea. They only want to destroy us, even the ones who can feel. Smith knows that. That’s why he has never trusted robots even when the rest of Americans think they’re “just here to help.” Yeah, help you die. If we didn’t have a real American like Will Smith, we’d all be wearing chains and building microchips in some A.I. work camp. He didn’t write a song about that adventure, but if he did it would sound something like this.

There is absolutely no problem he can’t solve. I mean, once you’ve saved the planet a couple hundred times I guess the daily trials and tribulations can go unnoticed. But Smith even has a handle on that. If he can get Kevin James a date, he can do anything. ANYTHING.

As I stated before, Smith has been able to transcend the economic stratosphere several times. First, with some help from his family who got him out of the street and into the prince hood of Southern California. Then – he did it again; with a kid. If poverty was a person, Will Smith would knock his ass out and spit on his grave. Then he’d write a song about it.

Perhaps the largest issue the Fresh Prince ever tackled though was the destruction of all of humanity. When a disease spread killing people worldwide and turning them into night zombies, Will Smith taught himself how to be a doctor. Then he lived by himself in a desolate New York City until he figured out how to save them. And when he did, he killed himself to protect it. For that, we consider him a martyr.

In closing, is Will Smith the greatest American that ever lived? The answer is simple, yes. And he will be dearly missed. So as you light up the grill and crack open a cold one this weekend, take some time to light off some fireworks in remembrance of a true American hero.